Wasted Time
by ilovebotdf111
Summary: What is truth? Just some stupid made up concept. Is there truly such a thing?


I was only sixteen when I took my first life. It was some piece of shit bully that kept beating the shit out of me in front of all the hot girls. It was degrading as all hell, and I was known as the biggest pussy in school because of him. So naturally, one day I snapped. I waited patiently for the bully to approach me after school as he always did.

"Hey faggot," he began. I didn't even give him the light of day. I spun around, fast as lightning and cut his femoral artery with a pair of scissors. He initially let out a shocked wail, but within three seconds, he was passed out on the ground. Within five, he was dead.

The group of people that always gathered around to see me get beaten were greeted with some different entertainment that day. The girls screamed as they saw the ever-growing pool of blood, but most people were silent from the shock of it. I confidently wiped the blood off of the scissors using the carcass's shirt - I'm sure he didn't mind- and started walking home. That was a great day.

But it also didn't happen. You see, I was lying this entire time in order to be considered an unreliable narrator. They always tell the best stories!

My dad used to tell the best stories until I dared him to kill himself. If you knew my dad, you knew he was a jokester, and he would never back down from a dare. He looked at me, and he said, "Todd, there's no going back now." After he said that, he got down on one knee. I was giddy with excitement, as I thought he was gonna propose to me, but instead he killed himself like I dared him to.

I'll never forget how he committed the act. It was honestly probably the least convenient way you could kill yourself. After getting down on one knee, he put a plate on his knee, proceeding to slam his forehead into the plate repeatedly. It was a slow and painful death to watch; luckily he died almost instantly.

Also, just as luckily, none of that happened. But it's funny how even a fictional story can remind you of something you once thought you had long forgotten. Like the time I went on my first date. Now I know what you're thinking, "James, how can you not remember your first date?". Well my friends, I have a simple answer - I'm gay!

But it was a heck of a night indeed. I remember fondly how I lusted over this girl. I jacked off many times to the thought of her. Sometimes I even came, but a lot of the times my cock was too soft to cum because I didn't find her attractive.

One day, I worked up the courage to ask her to dinner with me that coming weekend. She bit her lip sensually, as if she too was hungry for pot roast. She did the same thing for the entire date. She just sat there biting her fucking lip all throughout dinner. It was driving me fucking crazy! Being the young man as I was then, I could barely control myself. I just wanted to take her in the back of my dad's pick-up truck. I wanted to take her right on top of the table we were eating on. I needed to feel her skin against mine; I needed to feel her hot breath on my neck as I entered her. I also needed to shit really badly, so I politely excused myself from the table.

I was pretty horny, and shitting while you have a boner is not an easy task. So I tried to relieve myself as fast as I could. I came with remarkable efficiency and speed, and then went back to the table. That's when I realized I forgot to shit.

My date finally started to engage in conversation at that point. She seemed like a sweet girl, but I would never want to fuck her. I honestly wasn't that interested anymore. Plus, I had to focus all my energy on not shitting my pants in front of her.

"So, Dequarius, what are you thinking about majoring in?" she asked, showing genuine interest. I grabbed her hand and passionately looked into her eyes.

"Sweetheart, I'm planning on majoring in Quantum mechanics. I'm simply fascinated with science on an atomic scale," I replied. I saw her eyes light up with interest, it honestly disgusted me. "But even the majesty of atoms and nanomachines can't compare to your radiance, my love."

Next thing I know, I was drilling her in the bathroom. High Enough by Damn Yankees was blaring over the bathroom speakers, and it was honestly really distracting. My date was going crazy, grinding her hips against my pelvis, whipping her brunette hair back and forth, biting my neck - all of these things and more.

She kept screaming that she was gonna come. I didn't know what she was talking about, I didn't recall inviting her to anything. She then announced loudly that she came. Of course she did, she was standing right there.

But that's when the twelve pounds of shit I've been holding in my ass let loose like a brown tsunami. It covered the walls like a fresh layer of paint. While I felt an earth-shattering relief unlike anything I've ever felt before, my date just felt her feet slipping from underneath her, and a faucet entering her cranial cavity through her left eye. She died instantly, despite the three days of intensive surgery.

I cried for days afterwards. Not because of my date's death, but because during the ruckus, I had prolapsed my anus. My ass was never the same. Nay, I was never the same.

If I were to tell you that none of this happened, I would be lying. It would be very fitting within the context of this story, but alas, my ass was destroyed along with my heart that day.

But I'm also a paranoid schizophrenic living the rest of my life in asylum. I honestly don't know what I've done and what I haven't. It's my daily struggle. Am I _really_ just a fucking maniac? A fucking number in a grand scheme. If that's life, I don't know if I can live it. So, that's why I've made my decision. Tonight, at approximately 11:59 PM, I will be taking my own life. I refuse to let my life be governed, I refuse to live like a puppet. I have no free will - It's been robbed of me. And what is a man without his free will? A shell. A vessel with no soul, no reason to live; or at least, no reason to keep living. Soon, I won't be.

 **UPDATE:** My mom found what I wrote so I can't kill myself tonight.


End file.
